I have decided to come home. It has been an amazing journey.I think that this last section of the journey has been the least rewarding though. Having to concentrate on self when I want to give to the children has been a tough one to swallow. There is so very much work to be done here. But, as I contemplate this, there is a lot of work to be done everywhere. People on every continent need people who have compassion for their plight in life. Compassion I have realized is so much different than "feeling sorrow for"...compassion has to do with deeply feeling what the other is feeling(for as much as we are capable)This journey in a funny way has opened my eyes to the needs in our own hometown ..as much as we in the west have..there are many who don't. While I am in Santa Cruz I will find those people that need. I have discovered in self though that I do want to continue my life in service to my fellow human beings, my family on this planet.I have also discovered...though I really knew this...that my health is crucial to my living the life I want and have decided to live. I thought I prepared my body for this journey. I ate well, I supplemented well..and I worked on my mental health. But, it wasn't enough. I think probably, it is a culmination of many things...first and foremost of course is the quality of the air I have been breathing, but equally important losing a friend is tough. It has affected me greatly. My heart was saddened. I understand impermanence and the ultimate dying and letting go...but it doesn't lessen the sadness. It kind of brings up the sadness of the world...I guess it increased the intensity of this experience for me, here in Nepal. I read that your life will forever be altered after leaving this country. I can attest to this. You know, we read about orphans...we read about women and girls sold into the sex trade, we see movies and imagine in our own ways the extreme poverty in the world, but...until you see it..first hand...deep breathe...until you see it first hand..you can't begin to comprehend it.It is the look in the eyes...the real pain, the real hunger, the real sense of abandonment. It touches your heart so deeply...so so deeply.
You know what is really hard. Spending time with these children...and then leaving. This happens all the time to them. First, their parents...then the volunteers, teachers, uncles in orphanages...we all leave them..it breaks my heart.We give them money, food, clothes...and we truly give it all with love..but then we go home...to our beautiful houses, our friends and family who love us....I will find a way.....if anyone wants to join me..and figure out a way..to help these children...lets do it...lets rise above our comfort levels and reach out to these innocent children, and women...that need us...I have 8 -10 days left here..I will write again...I will share my last days here with you..with love....I have decided...to come home....I can't fight this cough here..I need the healing waters...
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