Simple living....in charikot....

I dreamt last night that someone gave me a lot of money as a birthday gift....I mean..a lot of money...two checks..one to be used for a life insurance policy....the other..hundreds of millions to use...on what I am not sure....I am contemplating the meaning of this dream as I sit overlooking the foothills of the Himalayas, children crying, chickens clucking...Nepali adults speaking in their normal very loud tone which always sounds angry...but I am coming to realize it is just their way...days go by slowly here...I stroll the two miles to town, taking in the extreme differences in lifestyle...funny, when I read there was an Internet cafe in town I mistakingly thought .....soy lattes and wireless access....hahaha.....I enjoy a milk coffee...for 30 cents and wander along the Main Street....goats, cows, cars, buses, and people all sharing the same narrow dirt street. I am ...ingesting of course all the fumes from the non-smog checked buses...my lungs scream day in and day out....please bring me home...I get back to the orphanage and the boys are singing my name, we laugh, we play chess...every morning I struggle out of bed as I am feeling so poorly and lead them in an hour of working out, which they seem to love. They check on me, bring me tea, I say..just a little sugar...always more sugar than I ever take at home....actually here in Nepal for some reason they sugar everything..at home in Kathmandu I got them to stop adding it to oatmeal, pancakes and milk tea and suggested letting people add their own....I suggested to uncle that so much sugar is not good, he smiled....the one thing that is also hard to adjust to is the unsanitary conditions of .... Well everything...I had read that Buddhism believes you must not defecate in public...a road sign even proclaimed you would be fined....it doesn't stop....the toilets are foul....the lack of cleanliness of most people is I am sure are cause for illness...every child has a runny nose, the dirty air, even here in the mountains is the culprit...I fear what is to become of their respiratory systems...I myself will be leaving early...call me weak....but I truly can not do this to my body after all it has done or me...missing home right now...realizing everyone is asleep....and upon awakening will wander to the lane for Wally's paddle out...sadness overwhelms my senses .....shortly uncle will be slaughtering a goat...the children are entitled to a certain amount of meat a week..it is extremely scarce...I bought chicken for them a week ago....now today they will have fresh goat meat...life so mysterious and fragile...my time here suddenly comes to a screeching halt...I went to the visiting "specialist" from Kathmandu...the clinic was so amazingly unsanitary..I was so very hesitant...but the doctor spoke English, he listened to my Lungs..and proclaimed that I had an infection and needed X-ray....as I was waiting I asked him about the protective material they used for my body during X-ray..he said "not necessary! Only for pregnant women" we'll...I accepted it for about six and one half minutes....I walked out and decided to go to Kathmandu to the western hospital..he proceeded to give me a list of ten drugs!!!!! Without a diagnosis...walking back to the house with on of my favorite boys, Bi...I told him I must leave...he was silent...he said"but who will teach us excercise????back at the home when I was explaining to uncle why i must leave I started crying......they have so little....I don't know what will become of them...I gave them the remaining money I had from friends that donated and more of my own.....and began taking lots of pictures...this phase of my journey has impacted my life greatly..I have such deep connection to these boys....as uncle proclaimed one day..." Laura, you are like their mother."
Tears fall now, they will fall tomorrow as I board the bus out of their lives...I hope for a connection..I pray I can find a way to help them.....